I have found that over the course of my 9+ years of being in the classroom and doing the social-emotional work, the playing field is not level for boys and girls and who feels safe expressing their emotions.
“Boys learn to be tough, mask feelings, stand their ground, and fight, while girls acquire habits of obedience, service, and subservience (hooks 1992,2003b; hooks & Mesa-Bains 2006).
I have had countless boys tell me they don’t show their emotions because they feel like it makes them look weak. They’ve said this to me in private, and also in front of the class.
“if you cannot prove that you are “much of a man” by becoming president, or becoming rich, or becoming a public leader, or becoming a boss, then violence is your ticket in to the patriarchal manhood context, your ability to do violence levels the playing field. On that field, the field of violence, any man can win.” (hooks 2004a, 72)
Our boys are bottling their emotions up, since they’ve been conditioned to do so. So it’s no wonder they assert themselves, find themselves being the protector, the dominant, and maybe even the aggressor. We’ve seen this play out in our classrooms over and over again. Just check the statistics of number of boys kicked out of class vs. girls. Or the number of suspensions for boys (especially boys of color), vs. girls. (http://theconversation.com/kids-of-color-get-kicked-out-of-school-at-higher-rates-heres-how-to-stop-it-94558)
It is our responsibility to create safe and equitable spaces for BOTH our young girls and boys. Can you imagine how different relationships would be if our men felt they could be vulnerable? Can you imagine how much more could be accomplished if both males and females felt heard? Not listened to, but truly heard.
Looking for some ways to do this work in your classroom? Consider….
- Asking students to complete some kind of mental health check in on a daily basis
- Ask students to share their feelings/sensations their experiencing and validate each one
- Teach students that all feelings are welcome, and okay, but they can choose how long they want to hold on to them
- Teach students how to handle difficult emotions in themselves and others by letting them explore various coping strategies (mindful coloring, cold drink, talking to an adult they trust, yoga, breathing)